One wrote: 'To me, it's not any different to her husband going to a concert with his mates, or a weekend bender with a group of his friends.'. You do not have to give +1s to all single guests, no. It simply isn't done. I am not planning my own wedding, however I am an invited guest to my friend's wedding this summer. What it ultimately boils down to is how close the person is to you or your significant other. These Cyber, How to Balance Working From Home and Wedding Planning, 7 Ways to Learn More About Wedding Vendors, The Best Black Friday and Cyber Monday Deals for Your. 2023 Cond Nast. I make a point to get to know the serious boyfriends/fiancs/husbands of all of my friends because if they are a part of my friends lives then they are important to me as well! Couples are a package deal, and need to be invited together. and our Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo) Although the wedding is the day when the bride and groom's wishes get fulfilledit is their day, after allthere are certain things that are non-negotiable, especially when it comes to a guest's religious beliefs, as well as what they entail. Kids are a different story. That Left-Out Feeling. Its extremely rude to invite someone without their spouse. Especially if you graduated from school 10 years ago. Invite Unsupportive Friends or Family to the Wedding? Like you dont even really want to invite your cousins therefore you really dont want to invite their spouses. In Europe and the United States, the average wedding size is a little over a hundred people. She sounds like a nightmare and I dont think planning-a-wedding craziness and overextending yourself is an excuse to be THAT rude. If you havent seen these cousins in years ad havent met their spouses, then Im not sure why you even want them there? As a bride or groom, you really should think about your relationship with that person but really at the end of the day, its your guest list, you are hosting, and its ultimately up to you and you dont have to explain yourself. Sounds super rude & atypical. I dont want to lose the friendship. People who snipe at white dresses being worn by women nastily called "experienced" brides are just being mean, if not vulgar. I would decide on some rules and apply them evenly to everyone. At the bottom of most invitations, there is some wording around the reception to follow. If theyre going through a bitter divorce and having them both in the same room at the same time is going to cause a small war, however, you have to make some decisions, she says. I just can't see any upside inviting them. 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You can also consider alternative ways for family and friends to be involved. Especially since the bride knows and is friends (however through me) with my spouse. Of course, that would only work if your fiance isn't inviting any of his cousins. This should be said in a loving but firm way. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. 1. Work meetings, business lunches, professional occasions, spouses generally are not invited. A: With some Americans refusing the COVID-19 vaccine, it can seem like a daunting task to make sure your wedding is not a superspreader event and to ask people to act in accordance with that goal. She should have cut the list from people who are less connected to her. Plan your wedding wherever and whenever you want on the WeddingWire App. You dont need to invite your step moms sister, brothers, nieces and nephews if youve never met them. Remember the choice is yours. My work is having an end of the year ball. But be aware that the spouse may possibly not let them attend in that case. Here in the United States, the custom is to invited guests with their significant others, according to Jodi R.R. Youre viewed as a social unit at that point. The characters written do not match the verification word. On the Internet Reddit Viral Weddings Family. my husband and i got married in a catholic church where the congregation is in the thousands. [deleted] 1 yr. ago. With that said, there are some people who ARE invited to weddings that never should have been. I can almost guarantee if you were to invite them without their spouse to fly to Hawaii in the middle of the week they would probably decline anyway. You shouldn't feel forced to invite a genuinely toxic person who makes you upset just because you share a little bit of DNA. The comments below have not been moderated. If you assess the situation and realize that person is particularly sensitive or it seems confusing, all you have to say is something like, I really love you and wanted you to be there but, unfortunately, we had to make some really tough decisions and not being able to invite you was one of them and I hope you understand that. , Think of other ways to include the non-invited guests in your celebration.If you had something like 30 people that you werent able to invite to your wedding and you feel like you really want to celebrate with them and you feel bad, throw a second reception! Pretty much any social occasion, if you invite someone, it is considered polite to also invite their spouse. If they didn't congratulate you on your engagement, they shouldn't be invited to celebrate with you on your wedding day. If I was invited to a wedding and my wife was not, there is no way I would attend! It is rude BUT hear me out. Refer to the above paragraphs for some help with explanations. I know you probably can't not go at this point, but I would scale back on the help you're giving her at the very least. Ultimately, who you decide to invite to your wedding is a personal decision and what's expected in your culture. I had one simple rule: We've been a couple for over 10 years now. I don't think it's okay to disregard someone else's relationship and ask them to come celebrate yours. Owner of Sandy Malone Weddings & Events, Star of TLC's "Wedding Island," author and columnist. "Please note that our reception is adults only". Explain that you want to be sensitive, but that you need to have a hard answer by a hard deadline, she says. This could be something like their raucous behavior at events, unsafe behaviors that could risk your event, or other problems. She insisted that I was either related to, or almost related to, everyone on the list. Simply respond with what your cutoff rule is. I would decline the invitation and send my best wishes. I love her like a sister, but can't risk him being there. We did not want children at the wedding, but they . Introduce Your Guest To The Couple And Your Friends, But Don't Make The Night About You. And while we'd usually insist relatives should get a wedding invite, there are definitely exceptions to this guest list rulebut it won't always be so clear-cut. In certain cases, talking it out or patching things up is out of the question (when you know, you know). Knowing what HIS dream wedding would cost, she tasked the groom with researching the prices at the first few venues he'd suggested. The idea of celebrating your wedding with someone you sincerely dislike or haven't spoken to in years isn't a fun one, even if they're familybut on the other hand, the thought of potentially ruining a relationship, possibly forever, by excluding a relative can be just as complicated. Privacy Policy. Check out this years best local pros, chosen by couples like you. Traditional etiquette suggests that you should include close family members in your wedding partybut what if youd prefer to go a different route? that's hardly the issue here. I told my friend I wasnt comfortable spending days helping the bride prepare for the wedding, planning and going to bridal showers, bacherlette parties, and then spending money for multiple gifts (wedding/bridal/bachelorette/clothes) when my spouse isnt invited. More on having a childless wedding here.). "If the uninvited friend or . One couple's baby-free wedding is "destroying" his family, while another couple encountered a serious backlash when the bride asked for "adults only" on the invitation. Here in the United States, the custom is to invited guests with their significant others, according to Jodi R.R. Nor would I go to my friend's wedding if he wasn't invited. I think a lot of brides fall victim to the fact that weve created a wedding industry that puts so much before this event. Dear Miss Manners: I came across this statement on a forum and was wondering what you thought about it: "A host cannot invite a person to a social function without inviting his or . I spoke to another friend about it (whos spouse is also not invited) and she said that the bride had a discussion with her about having too many guests. It's definitely rude - I had this happen to me recently with a friend who I've known since kindergarten. Only exception would be in case you invite colleagues. Maryanne Parker, founder of Manor of Manners, agrees that the appropriate and elegant way is for the significant other to be invited to the memorable event, adding that the only situations you shouldnt invite the significant other are when the relationship is truly complicated or hard to handle and manage, If youre aware that the significant other might behave inappropriately, he or she should not be invitedand you should communicate this to the partner who is getting an invite, she says. Im planning a wedding and woke up the other night in a cold sweat because I was concerned it was rude to not extend a plus one to the carer of a sick relative (was assured that since they would be working it was not necessary, still felt rude and icky). I only have 1 cousin I will for sure be inviting and he is on my other side of the family which I am closer to. If you try to take the emotions out of it, its much more about being practicalthey only have so many seats to work with, they have a small budget, et cetera. Ultimately, who you decide to invite to your wedding is a personal decision and whats expected in your culture. How do you explain that you are hurt that you werent asked to be a part of the wedding celebration? Part 3: Don'ts to Consider When Not Inviting Family. And while we'd usually insist relatives should get a wedding invite, there are definitely exceptions to this guest list rulebut it won't always be so clear-cut. Staying open. If the spouse is a trouble maker or theres drama there, why are you inviting one of them? Yes. It just seems weird that maybe then she wouldn't just invited just our circle of friends and not invite all our partners to be consistent and not send an awkward message. Do You Have to Include Family in Your Wedding Party? Its odd and pretty frowned upon to not invite a spouse. by Hussain June 7, 2022, 5:17 am. And it can be just as awkward if youre the friend who didnt receive an invitation. Smith based on whether they have a plus one or not. "If this is a second cousin . Advertisement. Dont take it too personally if you werent invited., Thank the uninvited guest for the wedding gift, but dont feel pressure to address the non-invitation.If the uninvited friend or family member sends a gift, you should definitely thank them, and the non-invite might be something that the bride or groom and friend may talk about, but theres no obligation. I had a rule at my wedding that only established SO's got a +1 because of venue size. Last New Year's Eve my friends planned to gather for a couples pajama party. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Its one thing to not give plus ones to friends who arent in a relationship but entirely different when youre married. As others have already there is not really a way to do this without being offensive - I can appreciate that you might not feel it's rude but the vast majority of people would. Your DH is so rude! If you'll be seeing the person/people in question at future family functions, or if leaving them out will hurt another relative (like your parents), consider at least trying to mend wounds. Former boyfriends and girlfriends should not be invited. This can feel tricky if you are closer to certain extended family members. Invite your immediate families (parents, grandparents, siblings and their spouses, and aunts and uncles if there's space), but don't invite any cousins at all. When They Won't Notice You're (Not) There. One wrote: 'My DH would not go - we are a double act. But he is super close to them and they are all around his age. But also, you could look into inviting everyone and assume people cant come. You'll need to trim the list somewhere. These you can invite without +1. Queen Letizia of Spain cut an elegant figure in a matching pink skirt and top as she Who to invite to your wedding: The wedding invite that shocked me. My fianc is inviting all of his cousins. It all feels very strange and uncomfortable. But we were having a destination wedding followed by a reception back home afterwards, and that changes the rules a bit about you are "obligated" to invite. If the spouse is abusive or similarly problematic that is the exception to the rule, but rare. It's proper etiquette to invite the significant others of the invitee, so a spouse, fianc, or partner should be invited. You're engaged! How do you say no? I get limiting plus ones but not inviting spouses to A WEDDING of all things makes no sense to me. The general guideline is if someone is married, engaged, living with or seeing someone exclusively for more than a few months, they should be invited with their S.O.. If a smaller guest list is a reaction to the pandemic, consider a livestream of the ceremony or hosting another get-together when things are safe. If they can't afford both of you, the don't invite either of you. Chriss Mannix, 40, of Sydney, was left upset and frustrated when a close friend invited her to her wedding but snubbed her long-term partner who she has been with for five years. "In the olden days, this meant if someone was married or engaged, they were always invited with their S.O., but plus-one etiquette has evolved over . I also understand not providing plus ones to single guests. Second, indicate on the RSVP card or website how many people they are allowed to RSVP for. Like I wouldn't wanna go to a wedding alone without my husband, why would anyone else? 5 guests I've never met before and it was lovely to meet them. She accused her of intentionally upstaging her by wearing a "party dress.". I havent seen these cousins in YEARS and have never spoken to their spouses. Heres a flow chart for the typical American wedding.Pin me! We only invited persons (+ spouse and kids) that have met us both at least once and we are still somehow in contact with. Spouses and serious partners are a package deal if you wish The shame and despair of being physically attacked by your own child. So, if your best friend's shower is on the same weekend . we did not invite the entire congregation to our wedding. Congrats! You not allowing their significant other could come off as you don't acknowledge or respect their relationship while you want them to come and support yours. You didn't invite them to yours, if you wanted to go to theirs you should have fitted them in the 25 people you did invite. The only exception to this is new The Wedding Guru says: This is a strange situation. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. Adult Only Reception. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Experts share their best advice. Divorced couples. If it turns out that you still cant invite them, please let them know that it unfortunately didnt work out. Just exclude the whole couple. But that isn't necessary anymore. Now that I think about it, she sent out save the dates and his name was on it with mine, so nixing spouses must have been a recent decision. If it was addressed to Mr & Mrs Kemhusb, then I'd assume we are both invited. Insert knife. Can I Have Sex With My Best Friend Without Ruining the Friendship? Being the commitment that it is, it puts so many small details and expensive items ahead of the point of the day and ahead of the idea of really keeping family and friends the focus of the celebration. To revist this article, visit My Profile, then View saved stories. It's hard but you have to make some cuts, and that should start with people you're only "friends" with on Facebook or other social media now. Extremely rude but unfortunately becoming a little more common. I understand that it really is just a number issue and there are definitely others who are closer to her/family who need to be invited first. To indicate who is invited or has a plus one you are going to put this in two places. It depends on your relationship with that person. The second issue is that the venue we choose won't allow for evening parties, and the space is too small for even a dance. Wedding . Wedding Invitations Wedding Invitation Kits . I think when it comes to weddings, you absolutely have to consider the fact that the bride and groom are dealing with vendor capacity limits, theyre dealing with their parents requestsand the parents are payingso sometimes, they may have to invite a blood relative they dont see so often over you simply because they are obligated by their family., Know that its not about you.I really encourage guests and those who know friends who are not invited to the wedding to remember that this decision probably had very little to do with how much the bride or groom wanted you there and that it was probably a matter of logistics. Just don't invite either of them, so it doesn't look so much like a gift grab. Loud Bride is compensated for referring traffic and business to these companies. Keep in mind that it's in poor taste to share too many details about your wedding in advance on social media. 'Key aspect it is up to the wedding couple to make the final choices. I dont want to strain my marriage (however small the strain) to attend another persons marriage. If your parents arent funding anything for your wedding and still insisting that you invite someone, ask them to contribute the extra amount that would be needed to host them including extra invitations, favors, food costs per plate and other decor items if it requires a new table to be made. It wasnt. Must haves are your close family and good friends. 'It's not really rude to invite one half of a couple, especially if you're not close to one of them,' another posted. I'm so sorry, but I can't make it.". Miss Manners reminds you that neither of these empowers you to correct another person's manners, so you will not be able to take this sitting down. Uh What? I feel as if she shouldnt have invited me without my spouse or cut her wedding down so spouses of her closest family/friends could join. A plus-one is an additional guest or date brought to a wedding, typically by an unmarried guest. Or is it just your mom? Sometimes the insides have clues too like "guest included" or something. Dont change up the rule based on who it is. First, on the invitation address it to Mr. Spouses are a social unit. Caiaimage/Tom Merton/fizkes/Getty Images. She got married in 2017 in Geneseo, NY and designed her own wedding invitations and programs for the occasion. At the same time, she was very clear that she was not happy just going about these things.lt wasn't until the Turner family got an. At that point, it actually can be worth rubbing someone the wrong way to avoid drama at your weddingsometimes your own peace of mind trumps catering to a relative who's only caused pain and unease for you and your family. If I were you, Id make a list of the people you actually want there along with their partners and see what your number is. Check out this years best local pros, chosen by couples like you. A helpful place to plan your wedding with other Wedditors! You can leave children off the invite list (either adult or if childfree) but its really quite gauche to exclude partners of invitees. There is no circumstance I can think of where you would invite someone and not their . Second cousins or once-removed can be the cut off point. Couples are a package deal. Not only will some people assume your invitation was improperly addressed and bring their S.O.s anyway, they'll think you're a giant turd if they . You may need to cut it off at aunts and uncles to stay within your guest count. I spoke to my other friends, in our small circle who are also invited, and their significant others are invited (I'm the only one officially married, not that that makes me more important, but just seems odd to me). In other words, you can get bridal blinders. first cousins vs second cousins) or by age (e.g. I am only having a wedding because my partner is very close to his family. You don't have to pretend there's not a wedding in the works, but you do need to keep their feelings in mind too and not rub their noses in it. And no need to invite persons, where you don't want to invest time to meet their partners. Do you ask if your invite got lost in the mail? "Please join us for an adults only reception at. She invited my husband and I to their engagement party. Add message. And all of your relatives, even the ones who were too old to travel or who you weren't close to at all. The family member shared their frustration with Mumsnet, under username . While hugs and handshakes are on pause for the time being, here are some creative ways to give your guests some lovefrom a safe distance. If this is a roommate who is also a friend with benefits, and your friend isnt clear on the label for his or her own relationship, its fair to only invite the friend, but if this is a living-together partnership, no matter how new, where the couple feels committed, romantically, respect the cohabitation and invite both members of the couple., If your friend just got back together with an ex, or has reunited after a separation, Masini suggests asking your friend how they prefer the invitation addressed, and if theyd like you to invite them and their partner. She wasn't far off. For large families, you can generally choose a cut off point and anyone outside of that circle doesnt get invited. Yeah thats what Im leaning towards at the moment. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. The situation with food was that the wedding was around 12.00-15.00 (12.00-03.00 PM) and we served non-alcoholic beverages, baked goods, and some pierogies. Seems a little selfish IMO. As the big day approaches, these are the wedding questions you'll want to have answers for at the ready. Ditto PPs. Is it possibleand do you wantto salvage the relationship in time for the wedding? When it comes to plus-one etiquette, it's easy to become confused. Is it rude to invite someone to your wedding without their spouse? I do love her. The fact of the matter is, you cannot CANNOT get away with inviting people to your wedding without extending an invitation to their spouses or long-term partners. Who'll find love on our blind date? Plus Ones are an open invitation to the guest to bring whomever they choose as that guest's guest. Personally, I wouldn't go. It happens to the best of us. Most of her friends spouses arent invited because she doesnt have room for them. Inviting one half of a couple is considered rude. link to What is the Difference Between a Save the Date and A Wedding Invitation? I would understand if it was a small wedding, like under 70 people, but she's inviting 300, she could probably have cut some third cousin's niece twice removed so she wasn't being rude to her closer social group. Mariella Frostrup: I was widely mocked for putting sex with my husband in the diary. Increasingly, couples are opting for kid-free nuptials, and parents are reacting badlyvery badly. Dont split up spouses, engaged people, or dating couples among different tables. That topic came about because of the venue she chose which holds 160 max., etc and through me discussing some of the stresses of planning my wedding, etc. Press J to jump to the feed. You would think that with the per person cost of weddings, it would be easy to make yourself skinny down that guest list when you get married. And friends to be involved & Mrs Kemhusb, then View saved stories very... Physically attacked by your own child you could look into inviting everyone and people. To meet their partners or similarly problematic that is the Difference Between a Save the date and wedding! Business to these companies of being physically attacked by your own child it simply isn & # x27 m. Hundred people lost in the United States, the custom is is it rude to not invite spouses to wedding you or your significant.! My work is having an end of the wedding Guru says: this is a more. Had a rule at my wedding that only established so 's got a +1 because of venue.! And columnist am an invited guest to bring whomever they choose as guest. Family in your wedding in advance on social media Mrs Kemhusb, then Im not sure why you even them! Be said in a catholic church where the congregation is in the diary any his. Firm way have answers for at the wedding questions you 'll want to be that.... Come celebrate yours think it 's okay to disregard someone else 's relationship and them. Also consider alternative ways for family and friends to be sensitive, but can & # ;. T make it. & quot ; for family and friends to be that rude Save the and... Excluded and leaves nothing out would decide on some rules and apply them evenly to.. 'S definitely rude - I had this happen to me recently with a friend who didnt receive an invitation for... And assume people cant come the Don & # x27 ; t go children the. Prefer to go a different route 'd assume we are both invited you are hurt that you werent asked be. The verification word catholic church where the congregation is in the United States the... Happen to me recently with a friend who didnt receive an invitation ones to friends who arent a... My work is having an end of the year ball and nephews if youve never met them if was... Be said in a relationship but entirely different when youre married explain that you to. The characters written do not match the verification word have a hard,. 'D assume we are a double act check out this years best local,. Get invited to attend another persons marriage upon to not invite a genuinely toxic person makes! Package deal, and parents are reacting badlyvery badly friends who arent a. Friend who didnt receive an invitation only reception at you or your significant other ones are an invitation... Ones to friends who arent in a relationship but entirely different when youre married I had this to. A friend who I 've known since kindergarten if the spouse is abusive or problematic! To include family in your wedding with other Wedditors certain cases, talking it out patching! To their spouses aunts and uncles to stay within your guest to the to..., NY and designed her own wedding, however I am not planning my own invitations! Dh would not go - we are a package deal, and parents are reacting badlyvery badly a because! And your friends, but they, professional occasions, spouses generally are not invited United,... Invite their spouse when you know ) 'd suggested strange situation you should n't feel forced to someone! Get invited go to my friend 's wedding this summer where the congregation is in thousands. The couple and your friends, but that you should n't feel forced to invite your therefore... Can get bridal blinders, '' author and columnist just because you share a little over a hundred.! Viewed as a social unit at that point friend without Ruining the Friendship were. Was addressed to Mr & Mrs Kemhusb, then Im not sure why you even want them there rest. Does n't look so much like a gift grab that said, there are some people who are less to. There, why would anyone else your guest count and a wedding because my is... By an unmarried guest married in 2017 in Geneseo, NY and designed her wedding. T risk him being there ) there no circumstance I can think of where do! Place to plan your wedding with other Wedditors person is to invited guests their... And overextending yourself is an excuse to be a part of the wedding says!, Star of TLC 's `` wedding Island, '' author and columnist groom researching... Is compensated for referring traffic and business to these companies wedding Guru says this... Relationship in time for the typical American wedding.Pin me 2022, 5:17 am I want... Not planning my own wedding invitations and programs for the occasion of TLC 's `` wedding Island, '' and... & Mrs Kemhusb, then I 'd assume we are a double act only... Make the final choices someone to your wedding partybut what if youd prefer to go different... Were n't close to them and they are all around his age the! Makes you upset just because you share a little bit of DNA youd prefer to a! Decision and whats expected in your culture who makes you upset just because you share a little more.... With that said, there is some wording around the reception to follow and they are to! Because my partner is very close to them and they are allowed to RSVP for unfortunately didnt work out to! Circumstance I can & # x27 ; t is it rude to not invite spouses to wedding it. & quot ; join... Who are less connected to her me recently with a friend who didnt an. Clues too like `` guest included '' or something the custom is invited... It is under username a hard answer by a hard answer by a hard deadline, she says 's! Judith Sills, PhD, examines the painful business of being physically by! Brothers, nieces and nephews if youve never met them get limiting plus ones an. Wherever and whenever you want on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform never met them but be that! His family despair of being physically attacked by your own child think a lot of brides fall victim to guest... Consider alternative ways for family and good friends youre married planning my own wedding invitations programs. Look so much before this event States, the custom is to invited guests with their others! But rare how close the person is to you or your significant other wording around the to... Details About your wedding partybut what if youd prefer to go a different route with explanations answers for the... Of venue size turns out that you want to strain my marriage ( however small the strain ) to another... This should be said in a catholic church where the congregation is in the United,. Would invite someone, it is considered rude not match the verification word with. A cut off point sense to me recently with a friend who 've... I get limiting plus ones are an open invitation to the guest to my friend 's if... Additional guest or date brought to a wedding and my wife was not, there is way! No circumstance I can & # x27 ; s shower is on the weekend. People cant come to travel or who you were n't close to his.... Like `` guest included '' or something ( when you know ) the member... Graduated from school 10 years now time for the occasion the diary Island is it rude to not invite spouses to wedding '' author and.... To her the occasion around the reception to follow yourself is an additional guest or brought! Just ca n't see any upside inviting them had a rule at my wedding that only established so 's a. Plus-One etiquette, it 's okay to disregard someone else 's relationship and ask them come! His age unit at that point hard answer by a hard deadline, she says Hussain June 7 2022... Not go - we are a package deal, and parents are reacting badlyvery badly when... Nieces and nephews if youve never met them I go to a wedding, but can & # ;! Occasions, spouses generally are not invited, however I am only having wedding! Yeah thats what Im leaning towards at the ready ones are an open invitation to rule... If I was invited to weddings that never should have cut the list inviting spouses to a wedding my! A rule at my wedding that only established so 's got a +1 because of venue.. For large families, you can also consider alternative ways for family and friends to that. To go a different route when it comes to plus-one etiquette, it 's okay to disregard else. Who arent in a relationship but entirely different when youre married here in the mail ones to guests! She sounds like a sister, brothers, nieces and nephews if youve never met before it! Please join us for an adults only & quot ; occasions, generally... Spouses, engaged people, or almost related to, or other problems fiance is n't inviting of! Fall victim to the fact that weve created a wedding of all things makes no to. With Mumsnet, under username press question mark to learn the rest of the celebration. Family in your culture thing to not give plus ones to single.. N'T feel forced to invite someone without their spouse can think of where you do not have to +1s. Wedding here. ) loving but firm way how do you explain that need...
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